WHY ALLIES ARE SO IMPORTANT

Delivered by Carol Uebelhoer at Banner Rededication, May 12, 2006

One of the things I like best about this congregation’s voting to become a Welcoming Congregation is that most of the people who voted were not gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender persons. One of the things I like best about the marriage equality banner is that the impetus for it did not come from the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender congregants. I love it when Interweave is invited to participate in church events, but I am utterly ECSTATIC when congregants other than Interweave folk take the lead in acting on behalf of bisexual, gay, lesbian and transgender people. Allies – not bglt individuals – are the heart of these justice movements. So why are allies so important? I can think of at least three reasons.

First, there is the simple matter of safety in numbers. Assaults on gay men, rapes of lesbian women, transgender murders, and classroom bullying are all a lot more likely when the bullies know the victim stands alone. It isn’t just a matter of speaking up when the unacceptable happens. What is even more important is standing up ahead of time, declaring what is and what is not acceptable. Every time a straight person refuses to laugh at a queer joke, she or he takes a step toward saving a life. Every time any of us declares that we stand on the side of the minority, we take a step toward greater justice.

Second, allies matter to ALL of us because justice matters to all of us. Steps toward justice have greater credibility when taken by allies. When *I* say I am offended by an anti-bglt remark, it carries little weight, because it is heard as coming from a “single issue” person. When a straight person says it, however, it is more likely to be heard and viewed as reasonable.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, it MATTERS to EACH of us. An analogy comes from feminism. We have come far enough in our growth as a people that we can generally grasp that sexism hurts everyone, NOT just women. The reality is that heterosexism similarly hurts everyone and it is in everyone’s interest to fight it. Here’s why: The specifics of sexual expression are very private and personal matters, to be sure, but we have extended that awareness to the illegitimate notion that sexuality in general should either be kept in the shadows or should be the subject of broad humor. The reality is that sexual and gender minorities are not about sex, but about the need to accept sexuality – in all its diversity -- as a vital part of being human. The more comfortable all of us can get with people whose sexual or gender expression may be different from our own, the more we can embrace our own sexual and gender expression as integral and beautiful parts of ourselves. Put very bluntly, what you do in bed is none of my business, but your being whole is very much my business. If you can bring all the parts of your self into my presence, then I can do the same. And we all benefit from each others’ wholeness.

For all these reasons, I love my allies more than I can even express. When the Social Action Committee works against marriage inequality legislation and constitutional change, I am deeply gratified and I know we will succeed. When Todd Ekloff puts his livelihood where his mouth is and asks my help in his legal battle, I know that all of us, bglt and allies alike, stand in solidarity, and we will succeed. Incidentally, you can find out more about how to support both of these causes by visiting the Social Action table at the rear of the sanctuary.

Tonight, I thank all of you for your work for justice. Together, we can change the world.