NO DEPOSIT, NO RETURN

NO DEPOSIT, NO RETURN

Jo Ann Dale

August 13, 2006

A few years ago, Kennon Callahan, one of the gurus of modern church development, declared, “The day of the professional minister is over.”¹ He was not proposing that we shut down all the seminaries, or stop calling trained ministers. He was just noting that the “churched culture” ceased to exist several decades ago, and the way we do ministry now must be very different. Callahan said, “New understandings of doing ministry must be created with each new generation for the church’s mission to move forward.... Each new generation must carve out an understanding of ministry that matches with its time.”

Personally, I am certain that the understanding of ministry that matches our time and our congregation is true shared ministry. I have only two simple points today: First, giving of ourselves is the most reliable way of getting the most from our church experience; and second, the way we accept others’ gifts of themselves is the factor most determinant of how successful the church will be.

Like Callahan, I am not proposing to dispense with trained ministers. No, I am saying that our church functions better and each of us is better fed by it if when everyone, professional or not, contributes to the ministry. In the 1997 Report entitled Interdependence:Renewing Congregational Polity, the UUA Commission on Appraisal observed that “One key aspect of Unitarian Universalism is our belief that ministry of the congregation does not belong exclusively to ordained clergy, but to everyone.” Working with paralegals and non-professional staff has taught me a difficult but necessary lesson: There are things I, as an attorney, can do that they can’t; but likewise, there are things they can do that I can’t, precisely because the paralegal’s way of thinking and the client’s expectations have not been changed by law school. The same thing is true here: We need the whole team in order to be whole.

So just what is shared ministry? Simple: It is the work of the church. Shared ministry is one congregant calling another to check on her arthritis; it is washing dishes after a congregational meal; it is teaching Religious Education; it is contributing to a Sunday morning or Wednesday night service; it is working on the budget. Jean Trumbauer declares that “Sharing the ministry is what it means to be ‘church.’”² In the model that has been embraced by First Unitarian, shared ministry is nothing less than being in community and ministering to each other.

I know something about you: You like sharing the ministry. I know that because you are here. As a speaker at General Assembly observed, one can be a Unitarian Universalist anywhere. The fact that you walked in that door today – whether this is your 500^th attendance or your first – means that YOU have chosen the participatory version of Unitarian Universalism.

Another thing I know about you is that you enjoy making life wonderful for other people. I know this because as humans, we all do.³ Leaders of Nonviolent Communication programs often ask people to think about something they have done recently that made life wonderful for someone else. What is amazing is the spread of smiles around the room when people remember those things they did. We like making life better for each others.

Finally, I know that each of us is on the road to dullness, hopelessness and dissatisfaction whenever we concentrate on what we are “getting” from the church. We start filling up again when we remember that often the most joy and reward comes from what we “give.” Humor me for a moment by doing a little exercise. Make yourself comfortable. Now breathe in ... breathe out ... breathe in ... breathe out. Now let’s do it a little differently: Breathe in ... breathe in ... and breathe in. Yes, you’re right: It really does not work to breathe in if we don’t empty ourselves out between inhalations. I’d like to suggest that taking in inspiration without expressing out in creation is the same as trying to keep breathing in without breathing out. Stated very simply – if you make no deposit, you get no return. Forrest Church, senior minister of All Souls Unitarian in New York, has often observed that the teachings of Jesus are for the present, not for the future, and can be summed up as “Empty yourself and be filled.” Giving of ourselves is the most reliable way of getting the most from our church experience.

But wait. What about that “burnout” we so often hear people discussing? They say that there were three Unitarian Universalist Board presidents talking at General Assembly about a problem their churches had in common: Infestations of bats in the attics. One said that his congregation had tried "smoking them out", but they still came back. Another had tried relocating them to a nearby bridge, but enough returned to repopulate the attic. The third Board President shared her solution: "I just had ours sign the book; then we elected them to office and they’ve never come back."

It makes a good story, but it begs the question of what burnout really is. Burnout occurs because the fuel is exhausted. So the real question is, what is your fuel? Is it doing nothing but sitting and staring at a wall? Looking for what gives me energy, I am reminded of an experience I had a while back. Extended family members were sharing their annoyance concerning an absent member. We all joined in – “and not only that, she’s disrespectful” and “she just doesn’t fit in” and “when she does X, it makes me do Y.” I felt a little odd joining in, but it did feel sort of good to be part of the group. Well, that is, it felt good until it was over. And then I just felt empty. It was as though the process of ragging on someone was a kind of generator – but there was no storage battery.

So when I ask what gives you energy, I’m talking about the energy you can actually store up and use. What inspires you? For most people, the answer is some version of “something that has meaning for me.” Burnout doesn’t describe a shortage of time or energy, but a shortage of meaning.⁴

This “physics of meaning” holds true in all of our interactions, whether it be the neighborhood association, or what we do for a paycheck, or playing tennis, or friendly conversation, or whatever. But the church is something more. This is not a Sunday talking club; this is a place where we share our search for ultimate meaning. “What’s it all about?” and “what is the connection between us” and “where are we going?” are not embarrassing questions that accidentally slip out and produce awkward silence – they are the very searches in which we encourage each other to engage. Here we are hoping to fill our deeper selves with more challenging stuff . And that, in turn, means we have to empty out exactly those places, sharing more of our deepest selves.

So when we hear the term “burnout,” we should recognize it as a red flag that calls for us to take a very close look at what’s going on. I would suggest that it is a tragedy when we drive away members and friends by not providing meaningful opportunities for them to give of themselves. Giving of ourselves is the most reliable way of getting the most from our church experience; therefore, if we do not expect people to give of themselves, we prevent them from getting the most from their church experience.

This leads to the overall issue of expectations. I’d like to go back for just a moment to my unfortunate experience of joining in the process of trashing an absent family member. We fed on each other’s cattiness, and it became ever uglier. We expected little of each other – and we got it. The same is true here: The way we accept others’ gifts of themselves is the factor most determinant of how successful the church will be.

Dawson Church asks us to remember that when we strike a bell, it automatically causes vibrations in all the nearby bells that are tuned to the same frequency.⁵ The bad news is that a community – like this one – is a group of bells tuned to the same frequency. When the group does blaming and judging, hopelessness, and ultimately a sense of emptiness, permeates the group.

But there’s good news, too. The good news is that a community – like this one – is a group of bells tuned to the same frequency. By sharing the things we do that make life wonderful, we can encourage joy and creativity throughout the group. We can share ministry or we can share anxiety. Compassion and violence spread at equal speed. Why not expect great things of each other?

This summer Holly and some others on the Positive Action Team, have been leading a series of Sunday morning explorations based on the principles of Appreciative Inquiry.⁶ Some people have asked why we are focusing on what works instead of what doesn’t work – after all, don’t we learn from our mistakes? Well, that’s only partly true: We can learn from our mistakes if we are conscious of what could replace it that isn’t a mistake. We learn nothing just by kicking ourselves wishing we had not done something.

Appreciative Inquiry is an organizational tool based on the principle that we are more likely to succeed in energizing a group if we maximize our strengths – as opposed to merely attempting to eliminate our weaknesses. And we are more likely to maximize our strengths if we look at them.⁷

Many of us have enjoyed reading and discussing Peter Steinke’s Healthy Congregations⁸ I had thought to share some from the relatively young field of Positive Psychology, in order to show we needn’t settle for a merely healthy church, but rather that we can pursue a thriving and empowering church.⁹ As interesting as the literature may be, however, I thought about the East Texan who gently advised “Just because it’s muddy don’t mean it’s deep,” and I turned to a different source: children’s television.

A while back I was in the living room sorting through some papers while my then nine year old daughter was watching a program called “Postcards From Buster.” In this particular episode, Buster was learning to do mountain biking down a steep slope. The young man explaining the theory to Buster caught my attention. “You see that rock in the path down there? Well, don’t look at it or you will probably hit it. Don’t look at where you don’t want to go; look at where you want to go.” Wow. It was just so undeniably true – regardless of context!

There is no benefit to low expectations, either with respect to ourselves or with respect to others. There is sometimes a tendency, I think, for us to settle into notions of “acceptable mediocrity” with respect to church service. After all, we’re volunteers, so what can we expect of each other? But if giving of ourselves is the most reliable way of getting the most from our church experience, don’t we owe it to ourselves and each other to expect excellence? If we do not expect people to give of themselves, we prevent them from getting the most from their church experience. Remember: The way we accept others’ gifts of themselves is the factor most determinant of how successful the church will be.

My family was recently on a little canoe trip in Wisconsin – the proverbial “three hour ride.” The canoe overturned and jammed against a fallen tree. The river was shallow but swift at that point, and I simply could not right the canoe, struggle though I would. Two more canoes came along, and the occupants helped us get back on track. I was very embarrassed by our mishap, but my partner said to me, “Be happy! We were able to give a wonderful gift to those people: the opportunity to help.” Wow. That one resonates, too. Vulnerability is a gift I can offer, but I resist it. It reminded me of something my mother used to say when people hesitated to accept her generosity: “Please don’t take away my blessings.”

One of the most important ways we show our expectations of self and others is through acknowledgment and gratitude. We are constantly adding to or dipping from each other’s buckets.¹⁰ We know what an amazing motivator and energizer a bit of appreciation can be; I wonder, then, why we are so prone to withhold it? I don’t know the answer to that. I do know that as for me, one of the ways I could easily multiply my giving of myself is to take the time for many more thank you’s.

Giving of ourselves is the most reliable way of getting the most from our church experience, but I hasten to add that I am not talking about self-sacrifice, the things we “should” do. Those things don’t spread joy. As Kelly Bryson puts it, thinking you “should” do something means you’ve made a choice that will not lead to fun.¹¹

So how about you? What do you do that makes life more wonderful for yourself and others? What might you do? How might you more openly accept others’ gifts of themselves? There are things -- some difficult, some easy, some that you do regularly, some that you’ve only tried occasionally – things that make you feel good. Could you invest some of those things for the sake of maximizing what you get out of church? Why not contact the Shared Ministry Coordinator for help in matching up your interests with the right opportunity? The opportunity might be just a one time thing, or it might reoccur; it might be obvious to you, or it might not. But no matter what it is, when you have found the opportunity that has meaning for you, you will thank yourself for taking advantage of it.

In fact, you could seize an opportunity today. Before you leave the building today, thank someone for a gift you have noticed.

I will close with these words attributed to an unknown Hopi elder¹²:

I have been in the hearts of many and there is indeed something happening.

There is a river flowing now very fast.

There are those clinging to the shore of familiarity, hiding from their true selves both in themselves and from the world around them and there are those who have left the shore and are seeking who and what will support their celebration as they swim for home.

Know that the river has its destination.

The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open and our heads above the water.

And I say see who is there with you and celebrate.

The time of the lone wolf is over.

Gather yourselves.

Banish the word struggle from your attitude and vocabulary.

All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

¹ Kennon L. Callahan (1997), Effective Church Leadership: Building on the Twelve Keys. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

² Jean Morris Trumbauer (1999), Sharing the Ministry: A Practical Guide for Transforming Volunteers into Ministers. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, p. 26.

³ Marshall B. Rosenberg (2003), Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values. Encinitas, California: Puddledancer Press

⁴ See, e.g., William H. Willimon (1989), Clergy and Laity Burnout. Nashville: Abingdon Press.

⁵ Dawson Church, Healing Our Planet, Healing Our Selves: The Power of change Within to Change the World . Santa Rosa, California: APC Books.

⁶ See, e.g., Diana Whitney, Trosten-Bloom, A., Cherney, J., Fry, R. (2004), Appreciative Team Building: Positive Questions to Bring Out the Best of Your Team. Lincoln, Nebraska: iUniverse, Inc.

⁷ See also Diana Whitney, David Cooperrider, Amanda Trosten-Bloom, and Brian S. Kaplin (2005), Encyclopedia of Positive Questions: Using Appreciative Inquiry to Bring Out the Best in Your Organization. Garfield Heights, Ohio: Lakeshore Communications.

⁸ Peter Steinke (1996), Healthy Congregations: A Systems Approach. Indianapolis, Indiana: The Alban Institute.

⁹ See, e.g., Christopher Peterson (2006), A Primer in Positive Psychology. New York: Oxford University Press, USA.

¹⁰ Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton (2004), How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work and Life. New York: Gallup Press.

¹¹ Kelly Bryson (2004), Don’t Be Nice, Be Real:Balancing Passion for Self With Compassion for Others. Santa Rosa, California: Elite Books.

¹² Unable to find the original source of this piece, I can only attribute it as I have seen it in several places: “Attributed to an unnamed Hopi elder, Hopi Nation, Oraibi, Arizona”