For most people, coming out of the closet is still a dangerous endeavor. On this National Coming Out Day, we remember that being surrounded by a loving, accepting community can be the difference between life and death.

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It Matters
by Anonymous

My father asked if I am gay
I asked "Does it matter?"
He said "No, not really"
I said "Yes."
He said "get out of my life!"
I guess it mattered.

My boss asked if I am gay
I asked "Does it matter?"
He said "No, not really"
I told him "Yes."
He said "you're fired dike!"
I guess it mattered.

My friend asked if I am gay
I said "Does it matter?"
She said "No, not really."
I told her "Yes."
She said "You're no longer my friend!"
I guess it mattered.

My lover asked "Do you love me?"
I asked "Does it matter?"
She said "Yes."
I told her "I love you!"
She said "Let me hold you in my arms."
For the first time in my life something matters.

My God asked me "Do you love yourself?"
I said "Does it matter?"
God said "YES!"
I asked "How can I love myself? I am gay."
God said "That is the way I made you!
And that is what matters."

Sermon

It's a story that is as horrifying today as it was 11 years ago. In October 1998, a young man named Matthew Shepherd met two men in a Laramie, Wyoming bar. They offered him a ride in their truck and he accepted. The two men robbed, beat, and tortured Matthew and left him tied to a fence in below freezing temperatures to die.

To the men who committed this heinous crime, it mattered, very much, that Matthew was gay.

Just this week, the House of Representatives passed the Matthew Shepherd Hate Crimes Act by tacking it onto another bill, both of which are headed to the Senate. We can only hope it doesn't languish there for another 10 years.

Here in this safe, welcoming church, in this relatively progressive community, which 10 years ago, passed the "fairness" ordinance, those of us who identify as heterosexual may sometimes forget that it is still hazardous to be a bisexual, gay, lesbian, intersex, transexual, queer person. It is still not a safe world.

As it stands, only 32 states include sexual orientation in their hate crime legislation. And only 11 protect gender identity. We may try to tell ourselves that much of the country has become more enlightened in the past decade; that this type of identity based violence is mostly in the past. But this is not, unfortunately, the case. The journalists at the EDGE network report that the murder rate for BGLT Americans as a whole stands at the highest it has been since 1999. Just as racism is not dead simply because we elected a black president, neither is homophobia dead just because we see more GBLT characters in mainstream media. Though in both cases, perhaps it at least helps us to find ways to talk about and address the issue.

But oppression against GLBT people goes far beyond violent crime - like racism, it happens most often in smaller ways, ways that may be easy to overlook. Today, on the 21st annual National Coming Out Day, people from all states, of all sexual orientations and identities are joining the National Equality March in Washington, DC. The goal of the march is powerful: "equal protection for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states."

• Equal protection for marriage rights. Equal protections for crimes against our persons.
• Equal protections for the BGLT individuals and couples who hope to adopt children, to give children who suffer from a lack of stability and love that home that they so crave and deserve.
• Equal protections for the couple who, in many places, are still not allowed to visit one another in some hospitals. Places where hospital staff turn to estranged family members rather than allow the beloved partner to make those important, heart-wrenching, end of life decisions.
• Equal access to medical care. One study indicated that 40% of physicians are uncomfortable providing care for gay or lesbian patients. And of course, most companies and organizations still do not provide domestic partner health insurance coverage.
• Equal protection to the men and women who are victims of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy in our armed forces. A recent report on CNN indicated that across the board, in every armed service, more women are discharged as a result of this policy than men. At a time when we continue to increase our military presence in the world, reason would indicate that this a counterproductive policy. And, indeed, it is.
• Equal protection for straight allies, like the Lieutenant Colonel who taught at the Air Force Academy who was punished and barred from teaching after she invited three Academy alumni to discuss sexual minorities in the military.
• Equal protection for the young men and women, coming out earlier and earlier in school, who are often exposed to bullying and other forms of discrimination both inside and outside the classroom. Suicide rates are distressingly high for these youth, for whom school is more about survival than learning.

Every day, these and many more forms of oppression and discrimination are enacted upon BGLT people all over this country. Harvey Milk's collaborator Cleve Jones, argues that broader issues for LGBT rights must be fought for today: "It's got to be not just marriage." he say, "It's got to be marriage and housing and public accommodation and adoption and immigration and taxation and Social Security and military service. We want nothing less than full equality in all areas governed by civil law in all 50 states, and eventually in every country of this world. That is what we are fighting for."

You might think, having heard this much of the service so far today, that the goal is to make the case for full equality for BGLTQ people. And there are certainly pieces of that in here. But that is preaching to the choir - this congregation has been a voice for equal rights for LBGT people for a long time.

So this is not news. The injustice is not news. Instead, what I really hope you walk away with today is this: Full equality for BGLTQ people means that a person can claim their identity, and this includes access to a loving community in which to come out. Having a supportive community that understands, that supports, that loves can make all the difference in the world to people deciding whether or not to live full, whole lives. And so we have a paradox:

• If I am of a sexual orientation or gender identity minority, I can keep it to myself. I can suppress who I am. I can live PART of my life, but not all of it, not fully, not wholly. And I might be safe from these forms of discrimination, though my psyche will almost certainly suffer as I try to suppress an important aspect of your personhood. Think about Evangelical preacher Ted Haggard.
• Or, I can come out. I can come out, claim my identity, choose to live with discrimination, with the threat of violence, with fear, but to also live with integrity, with the hope of living a rich, fully realized life: proud of who I am. The question, then, is what kind of community is there to receive me?

Quite a choice, ain't it? For all of us, to be whole, we must be able to live our lives fully. A young man profiled in a recent New York Times Magazine article put it this way: "I just assumed I would hide it and be miserable for the rest of my life. But then I said, 'O.K., wait, I don't want to hide this and be miserable my whole life.' " And so, at age 11, he came out, gradually, to his friends, and to his family. And the reception he received wasn't too bad, for the most part. When his mother found out, she was not as shocked and upset as he thought she would be. In the end, she even became supportive.

When a person who chooses to come out is received into a community of love and respect, this can literally make the difference between life and death.

I am reminded again and again of Caster Semenya, the South African runner. When she dominated at her event, people demanded gender tests. It was leaked that she is an intersex person - what used to be demeaningly called "hermaphrodite." At 18 years old, whether it was her will or not, she was outed to the world She has since gone into hiding and is receiving trauma counseling.

When a person comes out, it matters what type of community, what type of support, what types of basic rights that person has.

There are numerous web pages that give step by step lists in "how to come out" and each of them talk about coming out first to people you believe will be supportive, people who are likely to receive the news well and to help you figure out how to move forward.

Our church community strives to be such a place of welcoming, a place of love. In 1996 we voted to become a Welcoming Congregation, taking on the commitment "to advocate for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, attend to legislative developments and work to promote justice, freedom and equality in the larger society, and speak out when the rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons are at stake." We understand that it damages us, not only as individuals, but as a church, as a town, a state, nation, world, when individuals are not able to be their whole selves.

In 2004, this church voted, unanimously, to support and work for marriage equality. Five years later, I ask for a renewal, not in the form of a congregational resolution, but from each of you as individuals. I am about to pass around a statement. As a demonstration of our commitment to be a loving, caring community to all people who have or will come out, please sign it. Written by the "Standing on the Side of Love" campaign of the Unitarian Universalist Association, it says:

I stand on the side of love in support of full equality for people of all gender identities and sexual orientations.

I believe that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people deserve equal treatment in all matters of law, including the rights to marry, to adopt children and to serve openly in our country's armed forces. Furthermore, our nation's laws should protect everyone who faces violence, intimidation, and discrimination because of their identities.

In signing this petition, I am affirming the full humanity of all people. I am harnessing love's power to stop oppression. I am honoring the spark of the divine in each and every person. I am pledging to uphold love as a guiding principle in my treatment of others.

I call on my lawmakers to do the same by providing full and equal protection under the law for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people.

If you are in sympathy with this statement, please sign it. Sign it for yourself. Sign it for the BGLTQ people who are here, right now, or who might someday walk through our doors. Sign it for our children, no matter their gender identity or sexual orientation - they deserve equal rights. Sign it for the loved ones, friends, neighbors in your life, and for those you have not yet met. I will be gathering these up at the end of the service and mailing them to our state and local officials.

Chris Hartman, director of Fairness Campaign in Louisville, wrote this to the Courier Journal this week:

"The time is now to pass the Matthew Sheppard Hate Crimes act,. To pass the Employment Nondiscrimination Act (ENDA), to repeal "Don't ask, don't tell," to protect our children through equal adoption rights legislation and a comprehensive anti-bullying policy in our schools, to include same-gender couples in immigration reform and to equally grant us the 1400 legal benefits we are denied by the Defense of Marriage Act. The time is now, and Washington will hear it this Sunday. Let us all pray they heed it."

Let us pray, too, for all people who have, or will come out, in order to claim their full identities, people who come out in order to live whole lives instead of just part of a life - may all bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, intersex, queer and questioning people be received and welcomed into communities that love them, that affirm their full humanity, that honor the spark of the divine in all of us. And may we be one of those communities.

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